it's taken me this long to realise, that all this while, i've been taking the people around me for granted. expecting them to be there twentyfourseven, when i can't don't always promise the same thing myself.

i'm sorry i've alienated the people close to me. i'm afraid i got so caught up with myself and my worries, i built a wall around me, to keep me in and unfortunately keep them out. i've screwed everything up this time.

some of the loveliest people around, i haven't talked to for weeks, maybe even months . those i don't get to see face to face, those i see five times a week. i don't know how to talk to my grandma anymore, i still don't know how to broach a conversation with my grandpa, i haven't sat down and chatted with my parents for a while. i don't know why you walk past acting as if you hardly know me. i haven't said more than a few words to dan or ching or sarah or llama or becca. i don't know what's happening in my family, i don't know what's happening at home. i don't bloody know what's going on in the lives of the people i care about the most.

and it's taken me this long to realise how lonely i've become, spending the past few weeks setting the stupid wall. brick by brick. all by my thick-headed self.

i'm sorry.

stardust

movies have horrible timing >:(

i wanna wanna watch stardust. and zomg. you have to have to check out the moviesite. it's the most gorgeous thing ever. all that detail -swoons- i love it. honest, the detail is incredible.
http://www.stardustmovie.com/site.htm

and oh, dora made me sound so terribly smart in her blog :D about the SJI lit seminar.

An example will be some "quote" from the Sorci family (I must admit at first I totally forgot who the Sorci family was) but upon re-reading that part I realized the Sorci family hardly said anything at all, my my and it is actually quite impressive that nette could immediately spot the mistake ho ho.

And then in the middle of the last presentation I suddenly heard a soft "ha!" from nette and she suddenly whipped open her JLC book and flipped through the pages, then with a satisfied look pointed out to me that the quote they quoted from Jing-Mei was actually said by Waverly.

:O
That was something nette drew on her foolscap when this POMPOUS guy came out to present and started becoming... strange.

hee hee. y'all never suspected there're actually people out there who recognise my intellectual capacity right. (looks smug)

i will study oh i will study. 20 days to prelims and i am not studying. sduhfiasdufiadgf. its the curse of complacency, i know i think i'll rise to the occasion. yes, i am very in touch with the inner nette. but OH FOR MY BROTHER'S SAKE! there's only so much you can rise if you haven't been working your butt off like the rest of singapore's 16 year olds.

a friend was right, the prelims do bloody creep up on you. PFFFT. now you can say "i told you so." :( it's too late for the IP isn't it. dagnabbit!

But most of all, when snowflakes fall, I wish you love.

Fleeting.

i like that word, it's got a certain grace about it.

was gonna go on about how awesome the week's been, but i just found out that Father Fossien passed away this morning. he baptised me, and one of my earliest memories is watching this old old caucasian man, with brown suspenders and black-rimmed reading glasses, sitting in an armchair, calling me to him. "ahhh, zsha-nette.." one of my earliest memories, and my only one of him.

but i guess that's what the week's been, and Life's about. Fleeting. y'see, the good times always pass faster, and sooner or later, you forget the things that once seemed so terribly important.

sungei buloh was fantastic. there's this wildness about it, different from the clautrophobic rainforests, different from the open ocean. the day we went, the rain couldn't make up its mind. so the whole route along the mangroves was deliciously alternating between chill and warm. and omg, the whole thing was incredibly poetic!

stop at the bridge about a few hundred metres after it forks, and there's this place where the egrets roost. the sky is a dreary grey, and the rising tide brings the salty briny wind in. right on the line where sea touches sky, the mangrove trees kind of fit in nicely like stage curtains. and on the trees, you see this whole flock of white birds. omgosh, gorgeousness. it's like a water colour painting i swear.

i so want to be a guide there. and oh. hoho, i found out chandler's real name. he announced it to the whole world. and it's the name of my favourite little boy earlier this year zomg. who in turn reminds me of a pelican. (says in a Mufasa voice: we are all connected..)

suddenly feel lonely. pfft.

Eternal light shine upon him, may he rest in peace. Amen.

racially harmonised

:D

i 'Suyuan'-ed today. my "long-cherished wish" of wearing a sari was fulfilled! snorts. and i can tell you i admire miss krishna very much. saris are totally tricky, swear they are. and i had so much trouble getting it on pfft.

and after cher ran out with me to find an Indian teacher to help me put it on! we stood right in front of the stairs putting on a DIY-sari exhibit, and after i watched my blouse go lower and lower and the lovely woman -bless her- stuffed in more and more sari material which was painstakingly pleated, and after we raced back for mr f's lesson, i realised i couldn't do something extremely important. (pauses)

y'see. the sari was tucked into shorts.

the whole day i tell you. until ms ng's lesson. i decided i wouldn't ruin my kidneys for a sari. "my kidneys for a sari!" a la "my kingdom for a horse". so dan and i pounded to the ladies' in our saris with ching, and this is where the history teacher's wise words come in.

a girl raced by class during history, miss j looked out, turned to us and said
"and that is why you should never run in a sari." its 'orrible. you can't move.

O: I BET A MAN INVENTED THE SARI. same reasoning behind the original reason for heels, bound feet, and the sari omg. impair the female's ability to move so you can offer a gallant hand. picture this:

Ancient China:
Female sitting on cart looks uncertainly at soft muddy uneven ground, then at her teeny tightly-bound 3-inch feet.
Male: "come on honey, i'll hold your hand and support you while i look like a real man who cares for his woman, even though i would never have married you if you didn't have bound feet."

Ancient India:
"my brother's going on a journe..."
(whoops, heh heh. wrong database)
Male: "come on honey, we walk slowly so i can digest my curry and you can keep up with me if you try to run in your sari."

Hollywood red carpet event:
Male: " come on honey, place your arm on mine so i can support you on the heels in which you look totally gorgeous but are making you totter ever so precariously, just in case you trip and embarrass the both of us. "

hmm, maybe not entirely the guy's fault. but it made an interesting blogpost didn't it :D
might post pictures of laura, dan and i in our saris, if laura actually comes online. till then!

twinker twinker litter starrr

the little girls in my class are bimbos. am ashamed for their parents.
they're subservient and unimaginative. and despite being clad in hot eye-searing pink from top to toe, them mini females are not colourful. at all. the little boys on the other hand (: i talk their talk. ho ho ho.

in class today, there was a little man who will grow up to be real successful. pairs of little people had to enact good deeds, and he and his partner shuffled up to the white board. i think they discussed a little, because they were sitting in front of me. anyway, he got stage fright.

so, he's frozen in front of the whiteboard yes. and suddenly! he sticks out his fingers and goes:
"twinkle twinkle little star.."

the class was stunned into silence, and then they roared with laughter. they so cuuuteee, watching them laugh like little crazy monkeys made me laugh. that is what laughing should be like. so the teacher went:

"oh okay. is there anything else you want to sing for the class? or act out?"
and he nods his head shyly. so we all wait for his good deed, and he puts his fingers together.
"twinkle twinkle little star.."

the monkeys went crazy again. so, if he's able to embarrass himself over and over again, and laugh with the people who are laughing at him, i think he'll be a preety well-adjusted, successful little man (:

that. or a porn star.

I'm not colourblind. I know the world is black and white.

i heard one of the most disgusting things today. i swear, dora is hornier than a rhino. and we didn't miss bio, so we can still show everyone neh-neh! (: anyway-

so much for falling asleep. SJI's lit seminar wasn't all bad.. but i wonder if i should've gone for the macbeth one instead. JLC presenters kept misquoting characters, so much i lost count. boo. was hoping for something like RI's.

and OH! funny thing happened. dora and i were on 151 reaching SJI, and we saw these little skirted figures all gathered round blowing their bagpipes. so. its a school for boys yes? so we watched them while discussing what an unusual sight it was: kilt-wearing singaporean boys! :O

later while queuing for the loo, i was greeted with an ample bosom of white ruffly lace. then i looked down and saw a a green tartan skirt. heh heh. so much for cross-dressing. the girls were giants zomg! amazonian comes to mind here, what with the flaming red hair and all.

their school today was mega full of girls! some overseas girls bagpipe (insert collective for bagpipe players here) were there, and there was the marching band, and st marg's, our school..

red and white, black and blue

HOHOHO. but that's not the point, i just like showing off because i know my sister reads this :D
talking about relatives, none of my friends or family should work with burn victims. they are sympathy-deficient, very much so.

ANYWAY. i have realised our haphazardly thrown together bio group is coolio. we are a bunch of sick geniuses, because. has anyone realised the potential of the neh-neh! (clears throat) i'll explain.

"but i want to show _(insert target audience here)_ our neh-neh!"
"but i want to see their expressions!"
"but i want to see what everyone else has!"

nobody wants to show the class with me though, dora's assured me i can be a one-woman show. but we're missing tomorrow's bio lesson altogether! am very dismayed, haven't seen all the other groups and we won't get to see ours either :(

astrid, cheryl and sharon do a good job yo!
should've asked ty to let me see everyone's earlier bahh.
on the bright side, i can show you dan's baby grand!



it's so totally the coolest thing you've seen, admit it :D
i want one of those clam-shell wallets too-ooh.