it's taken me this long to realise, that all this while, i've been taking the people around me for granted. expecting them to be there twentyfourseven, when i can't don't always promise the same thing myself.

i'm sorry i've alienated the people close to me. i'm afraid i got so caught up with myself and my worries, i built a wall around me, to keep me in and unfortunately keep them out. i've screwed everything up this time.

some of the loveliest people around, i haven't talked to for weeks, maybe even months . those i don't get to see face to face, those i see five times a week. i don't know how to talk to my grandma anymore, i still don't know how to broach a conversation with my grandpa, i haven't sat down and chatted with my parents for a while. i don't know why you walk past acting as if you hardly know me. i haven't said more than a few words to dan or ching or sarah or llama or becca. i don't know what's happening in my family, i don't know what's happening at home. i don't bloody know what's going on in the lives of the people i care about the most.

and it's taken me this long to realise how lonely i've become, spending the past few weeks setting the stupid wall. brick by brick. all by my thick-headed self.

i'm sorry.

stardust

movies have horrible timing >:(

i wanna wanna watch stardust. and zomg. you have to have to check out the moviesite. it's the most gorgeous thing ever. all that detail -swoons- i love it. honest, the detail is incredible.
http://www.stardustmovie.com/site.htm

and oh, dora made me sound so terribly smart in her blog :D about the SJI lit seminar.

An example will be some "quote" from the Sorci family (I must admit at first I totally forgot who the Sorci family was) but upon re-reading that part I realized the Sorci family hardly said anything at all, my my and it is actually quite impressive that nette could immediately spot the mistake ho ho.

And then in the middle of the last presentation I suddenly heard a soft "ha!" from nette and she suddenly whipped open her JLC book and flipped through the pages, then with a satisfied look pointed out to me that the quote they quoted from Jing-Mei was actually said by Waverly.

:O
That was something nette drew on her foolscap when this POMPOUS guy came out to present and started becoming... strange.

hee hee. y'all never suspected there're actually people out there who recognise my intellectual capacity right. (looks smug)

i will study oh i will study. 20 days to prelims and i am not studying. sduhfiasdufiadgf. its the curse of complacency, i know i think i'll rise to the occasion. yes, i am very in touch with the inner nette. but OH FOR MY BROTHER'S SAKE! there's only so much you can rise if you haven't been working your butt off like the rest of singapore's 16 year olds.

a friend was right, the prelims do bloody creep up on you. PFFFT. now you can say "i told you so." :( it's too late for the IP isn't it. dagnabbit!

But most of all, when snowflakes fall, I wish you love.

Fleeting.

i like that word, it's got a certain grace about it.

was gonna go on about how awesome the week's been, but i just found out that Father Fossien passed away this morning. he baptised me, and one of my earliest memories is watching this old old caucasian man, with brown suspenders and black-rimmed reading glasses, sitting in an armchair, calling me to him. "ahhh, zsha-nette.." one of my earliest memories, and my only one of him.

but i guess that's what the week's been, and Life's about. Fleeting. y'see, the good times always pass faster, and sooner or later, you forget the things that once seemed so terribly important.

sungei buloh was fantastic. there's this wildness about it, different from the clautrophobic rainforests, different from the open ocean. the day we went, the rain couldn't make up its mind. so the whole route along the mangroves was deliciously alternating between chill and warm. and omg, the whole thing was incredibly poetic!

stop at the bridge about a few hundred metres after it forks, and there's this place where the egrets roost. the sky is a dreary grey, and the rising tide brings the salty briny wind in. right on the line where sea touches sky, the mangrove trees kind of fit in nicely like stage curtains. and on the trees, you see this whole flock of white birds. omgosh, gorgeousness. it's like a water colour painting i swear.

i so want to be a guide there. and oh. hoho, i found out chandler's real name. he announced it to the whole world. and it's the name of my favourite little boy earlier this year zomg. who in turn reminds me of a pelican. (says in a Mufasa voice: we are all connected..)

suddenly feel lonely. pfft.

Eternal light shine upon him, may he rest in peace. Amen.

racially harmonised

:D

i 'Suyuan'-ed today. my "long-cherished wish" of wearing a sari was fulfilled! snorts. and i can tell you i admire miss krishna very much. saris are totally tricky, swear they are. and i had so much trouble getting it on pfft.

and after cher ran out with me to find an Indian teacher to help me put it on! we stood right in front of the stairs putting on a DIY-sari exhibit, and after i watched my blouse go lower and lower and the lovely woman -bless her- stuffed in more and more sari material which was painstakingly pleated, and after we raced back for mr f's lesson, i realised i couldn't do something extremely important. (pauses)

y'see. the sari was tucked into shorts.

the whole day i tell you. until ms ng's lesson. i decided i wouldn't ruin my kidneys for a sari. "my kidneys for a sari!" a la "my kingdom for a horse". so dan and i pounded to the ladies' in our saris with ching, and this is where the history teacher's wise words come in.

a girl raced by class during history, miss j looked out, turned to us and said
"and that is why you should never run in a sari." its 'orrible. you can't move.

O: I BET A MAN INVENTED THE SARI. same reasoning behind the original reason for heels, bound feet, and the sari omg. impair the female's ability to move so you can offer a gallant hand. picture this:

Ancient China:
Female sitting on cart looks uncertainly at soft muddy uneven ground, then at her teeny tightly-bound 3-inch feet.
Male: "come on honey, i'll hold your hand and support you while i look like a real man who cares for his woman, even though i would never have married you if you didn't have bound feet."

Ancient India:
"my brother's going on a journe..."
(whoops, heh heh. wrong database)
Male: "come on honey, we walk slowly so i can digest my curry and you can keep up with me if you try to run in your sari."

Hollywood red carpet event:
Male: " come on honey, place your arm on mine so i can support you on the heels in which you look totally gorgeous but are making you totter ever so precariously, just in case you trip and embarrass the both of us. "

hmm, maybe not entirely the guy's fault. but it made an interesting blogpost didn't it :D
might post pictures of laura, dan and i in our saris, if laura actually comes online. till then!

twinker twinker litter starrr

the little girls in my class are bimbos. am ashamed for their parents.
they're subservient and unimaginative. and despite being clad in hot eye-searing pink from top to toe, them mini females are not colourful. at all. the little boys on the other hand (: i talk their talk. ho ho ho.

in class today, there was a little man who will grow up to be real successful. pairs of little people had to enact good deeds, and he and his partner shuffled up to the white board. i think they discussed a little, because they were sitting in front of me. anyway, he got stage fright.

so, he's frozen in front of the whiteboard yes. and suddenly! he sticks out his fingers and goes:
"twinkle twinkle little star.."

the class was stunned into silence, and then they roared with laughter. they so cuuuteee, watching them laugh like little crazy monkeys made me laugh. that is what laughing should be like. so the teacher went:

"oh okay. is there anything else you want to sing for the class? or act out?"
and he nods his head shyly. so we all wait for his good deed, and he puts his fingers together.
"twinkle twinkle little star.."

the monkeys went crazy again. so, if he's able to embarrass himself over and over again, and laugh with the people who are laughing at him, i think he'll be a preety well-adjusted, successful little man (:

that. or a porn star.

I'm not colourblind. I know the world is black and white.

i heard one of the most disgusting things today. i swear, dora is hornier than a rhino. and we didn't miss bio, so we can still show everyone neh-neh! (: anyway-

so much for falling asleep. SJI's lit seminar wasn't all bad.. but i wonder if i should've gone for the macbeth one instead. JLC presenters kept misquoting characters, so much i lost count. boo. was hoping for something like RI's.

and OH! funny thing happened. dora and i were on 151 reaching SJI, and we saw these little skirted figures all gathered round blowing their bagpipes. so. its a school for boys yes? so we watched them while discussing what an unusual sight it was: kilt-wearing singaporean boys! :O

later while queuing for the loo, i was greeted with an ample bosom of white ruffly lace. then i looked down and saw a a green tartan skirt. heh heh. so much for cross-dressing. the girls were giants zomg! amazonian comes to mind here, what with the flaming red hair and all.

their school today was mega full of girls! some overseas girls bagpipe (insert collective for bagpipe players here) were there, and there was the marching band, and st marg's, our school..

red and white, black and blue

HOHOHO. but that's not the point, i just like showing off because i know my sister reads this :D
talking about relatives, none of my friends or family should work with burn victims. they are sympathy-deficient, very much so.

ANYWAY. i have realised our haphazardly thrown together bio group is coolio. we are a bunch of sick geniuses, because. has anyone realised the potential of the neh-neh! (clears throat) i'll explain.

"but i want to show _(insert target audience here)_ our neh-neh!"
"but i want to see their expressions!"
"but i want to see what everyone else has!"

nobody wants to show the class with me though, dora's assured me i can be a one-woman show. but we're missing tomorrow's bio lesson altogether! am very dismayed, haven't seen all the other groups and we won't get to see ours either :(

astrid, cheryl and sharon do a good job yo!
should've asked ty to let me see everyone's earlier bahh.
on the bright side, i can show you dan's baby grand!



it's so totally the coolest thing you've seen, admit it :D
i want one of those clam-shell wallets too-ooh.

singed

scowls.

the chem pract test was screwed. spent so much time on the first part because the silly burette was faulty. the clip didn't sit properly. and when i finally settled it, i singed my finger hair >:(

RAHHHHH. i was swearing under my breath and cursing all the lab equipment. and when i tried to gain sympathy after pract, i shoved my hand under dora's nose, and didn't get much sympathy. boo. the hair curled okay. and frizzled and burned off.

it feels rather bare now. my hand. :(

Frogman! (Cue funky superhero music)

wo dui chandler ng su ran qi jing. ( i suddenly have a great deal of respect for chandler ng.)
and you may choose to ignore the fangirling that carries on for the next few paragraphs.

I WAS PRACTICALLY SPOT ON WHEN I SAID HE WAS ONE OF THOSE INTREPID EXPLORERS! i must be psy-cheek. oh what he does is super super cool! no, not the boring dayjob he has as a trainee. he catches frogs and is helping the zoo in its frog-breeding programme. -faints from the sheer awesomeness-

zomgzomgzomgzomg. found my calling- i totally want to do something like that! can you imagine:
"Hi! what do you work as?"
"I play a part in conserving Singapore's decreasing rainforests and declining frog population."

:D

okay, sounds pompous. but you get the idea. AHHHHHH, he so totally has one of the coolest jobs ever. come to think of it, he does look a little froggish :O hmm. i should go research giraffes instead. think about it- long eyelashes, long neck, uber tallness...
i have nothing to lose (:

bio lesson today was fun! our imaginary animal is a nehneh. so says dora the sicko. its an aneh-moneh-mone actually, and i'd scan it in, only im lazy to. now im gonna turn judas and proclaim that i don't want miss ng, because the new guy is loads better. sungei buloh might be totally cool all over again because now we know he has a keen eye. but i have my doubts about timing.

THEY TOTALLY GO SLEEPY-BYE-BYE IN THE AFTERNOON YO.

the school should take us out at night. and oh oh oh. when i find the cable that links my phone to the com (i seem to be losing cables all over the place), i'll show everyone dan's baby grand. sweet awesomeness. it actually made me consider getting one of her kind of wallets.

see chandler's frogblog :D

FLPs- Funny Little People(s)

and sec ones are totally first-class FLPs. my sister has this blog with her friends, and like every other sentence ends with like, 837543 exclamation marks, 5437294 question marks and don't get me started on the full-stops. she claims it's for maximum self-expression, but that's the same excuse a billion other flashers use. tsk, equally obscene.

anyway, one of her little friends has a crush on orlando bloom! it teetered on the brink of obsession for a while, and WHOMP! straight into the yawning chasm. laura's ex-favourite line comes in really apt here- "and she fell for him like a suicide off a bridge". honest, her infatuation has gotten to the point where the whole blog is about orly (<33), and her blog-mates obsessing over her obsessing over him. and if you go to the side, there's this O.B (geddit? Orlando Bloom :D) word dictionary.

Gi' you an eggsample- 2: (noun) O.B.session~ used to describe a person who is utterly infatuated with Orlando Bloom and hardly infatuated or not at all infatuated with anyone else and has reached a stage in which chocolate can no longer cure anything!

there're a gabazillion pictures of him. i swear, it's a shrine. oh well, who's complaining? he's a hottie-hot-hottie (:

right, go see for yourself (: http://downrightdirty-in-hot-soup.blogspot.com/

little miss smarty-pants wears imitation goods

(excuse me while i blast my sister with residual brainwaves.)
I SO DID NOT GET THIRTY POINTS ON MY FIRST TRY. i got 80. then scary mary sat soo close she stressed me out and my score dropped. so there.

othernews! fieldtrip coming up!
chandler ng's bringing us to sungei buloh :D YAY. he's very excited about it i can tell. he tried to be sneaky today. while everyone was clearing up after bio pract, he sidled up to the girls opposite my table and went "so girls, are you excited about your trip to mumblemumble?" of course they went "huh?" and he had to repeat himself, which kind of lost the anticipation he was trying to build up. mr chandler, we would be much more excited the trip was during curriculum time, yes.

maybe he did a stint as one of those volunteer guides. the kind with an insatiable appetite for adventure- intrepid explorers pushing their way through dense foliage, fending off vampirish
mosquitoes and leeches, sweat trickling down their brows and backs. Even as tree branches whip across their faces, drawing thin streaks of blood, a fleeting glimpse of cyan and gold winging through the canopy sends a rush of adrenaline so powerful, discomfort is but a distant memory.



(i will not mock my teachers. i will not mock my teachers. i will not mock my teachers. i will not mock my teachers. i will keep telling myself that..)

we're going in the afternoon, according to tarzan chandler, not all the animals will be asleep. he sniggered when i told him everyone would be sleeping. awgh, is it my fault all the little mudskippers and creatures like to play sleeping beauty whenever i'm around? no one is to answer that.

am excited though. it's been a while since i've been to sungei buloh. peektures :D maybe he'll be good, fingers crossed. and is ms ng coming with us! zomg.



let's push her into the river so he can save her! and oh, dora the explorahh, get well soon (:

Jeanette Procrastination Chang

procrastination is my middle name.

but i have to admit, i am rather proud. the first time i played this game i got 80 points. SO. in a pathetic attempt to console myself, i pick up pretty fast eh :D

will start tomorrow. fingers crossed. alamak.